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Let’em Fight! Why Sibling Fights are Actually a Good Thing

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*Caution, affiliate links ahead…Don’t worry, I’ll use the money for something practical, like wine…. or a pony!

Let 'em fight! Why sibling fights are actually a good thing. Don't be so quick to break up the latest bickering session, studies show that fighting siblings are better problems solvers and easier to get along with as adults!

As you can imagine, with 6 kids we have A LOT of fighting, seriously, most mornings at our house play out like an episode of Dr. Phil. Drama, accusations, betrayal and if I’m really lucky we devolve into Jerry Springer, complete with hair pulling and an audience cheering them on. What do I do on these glorious mornings when I wake up to another sibling squabble? I grab a cup of coffee and a bowl of popcorn and take advantage of my ringside seats to the fight of the century.

Here’s the thing, it drives us crazy when our kids fight, it’s annoying, heartbreaking and enough to drive us to drink heavily, but they are actually gaining so much from their fights. I just don’t have the heart to step in, they are learning so much! I know you are thinking that this momma has finally lost it, 6 kids have driven her to speak nonsense, but bear with me, I promise I’m going somewhere with this. Next time your kids are ready to rumble, instead of breaking it up,  let them fight and watch how it plays out….you can send them outside, or to another room, but let’em argue it out. As they navigate daily conflicts, they will learn valuable lessons about negotiation, conflict resolution, empathy and compromise.  Kids that are allowed to work out their conflicts learn to replace aggression with assertiveness and develop emotionally intelligent communication skills.

Conflict is a healthy part of any relationship, but learning how to handle that conflict is an art that even some adults have yet to master. Model good conflict resolution skills for your kids. When you and your husband fight, model how to empathize, negotiate and compromise. Don’t try to hide your fighting from them, as long you are both respectful towards each other, it actually does them good to see how adults handle conflict. Kids are sponges and they absorb everything around them, if you model healthy conflict resolution, they will carry that over into their squabbles.

There will be situations that will call for your involment, if there is any type of bullying, degrading, or physical violence (this happens very rarely with my kids, but it has happened) I will absolutely step in and help them work out their issue. They need to understand that that type of behavior will not be tolerated and will never resolve an arguement.

The bottom line is that there will always be conflict, always. So, to quote Rafiki, my favorite Lion King character “You can either run from it, or learn from it” help your kids learn from it, let them bicker and let them learn that they are capable of resolving their differences.

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Filed Under: Keepin' it Real 7 Comments

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  1. Christi @ sexymoxiemama.com says

    April 15, 2014 at 4:22 pm

    I have a toddler and a 9 month old that fight ALL-THE-TIME. I hear it only gets worse as they get older :) But I very much agree that learning to handle conflict helps to foster relationships and maturity. Christi @ sexymoxiemama.com recently posted...A Unique Job: “Director of Operations”My Profile
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  2. Laura B says

    April 15, 2014 at 7:44 pm

    My first baby is only 4 months old so I'm not at this point yet. And I was an only child so I can't personally relate. But I totally see your point about developing conflict resolution. Adding to my list of parenting ideas to remember for the future! Laura B recently posted...I'm A Hopeless HomemakerMy Profile
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  3. Danielle says

    April 15, 2014 at 9:03 pm

    Oh goodness - I have to remember this when I have another! Right now I only have one, but I hope to have another in the future!! Six kids must be so so fun, but a lot of work! Such a great mom!
    Reply
  4. Triplezmom says

    April 15, 2014 at 9:33 pm

    Great advice, though it can be hard to remember sometimes. I like to intervene when there's blood.
    Reply
    • Jordyn says

      April 15, 2014 at 11:13 pm

      LOL! Me too :)
      Reply
  5. Clancy Harrison says

    April 18, 2014 at 12:33 pm

    Thank you for this- sometimes I let them fight and I feel guilty about it. It is just CONSTANT fighting (3 and 5).
    Reply
  6. Amy says

    October 2, 2014 at 1:48 pm

    Thanks for the perspective. The bickering between my twins is driving me crazy right now. Hope there are lessons being learned somehow. Amy recently posted...Beach BakingMy Profile
    Reply

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