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After a particularly rough day last week, I realized just how much my life resembles an episode of The Walking Dead. I wake up every morning wondering if I will make it through the day alive and with my brain intact. I know now that my children are really walkers and out to get me. Sometimes the only thing saving me is a locked door. The best defense is to hang in the bathroom until they are distracted by the doorbell or new crayons.
Don’t believe me? Check it out:
-They wander around aimlessly just waiting for the next opportunity to feed.
-They only communicate with grunts and moans.
-The slightest noise will draw them right to you. I move with ninja-like agility through my house avoiding every squeaky floor board and creaky door. I army crawl to the coffee maker every morning, praying they don’t see me before I get my caffeine fix. If I miss that cup of coffee in the morning, it’s almost guaranteed they will take me down by lunch.
-They never sleep
-They don’t care about running around in filthy clothing. They don’t notice the stench that emanates directly from them (seriously, how do they not smell that?!)
-Screaming for help only draws more of them to you
-It is a waste of time, and actually quite dangerous, to try to talk to, reason or debate with one of them.
The zombie apocalypse is here people, they are ripping apart my kitchen scavenging for food as we speak. I’ll just hunker down here for the next few years. I’ve heard a rumor that sometimes they move on after 18 years, but there are so many of them here, the odds aren’t looking good.
Surely I’m not the only one with an infestation of walkers, I’m dying (pun totally intended!) to know how your life is like The Walking Dead?