*Caution, affiliate links ahead…Don’t worry, I’ll use the money for something practical, like wine…. or a pony!
People who know me, know that I’m pretty much a risk taker and up for anything. I’m the first one to succumb to peer pressure and say hell yeah, let’s do it! The fact that it’s usually after a drink or two (or ten) is beside the point. However there are certain things that I just won’t do. I know you are dying to know what they are, so just for you, I have created my anti-bucket list, 10 things I will NEVER do:
1. Take a pole dancing class. There are some things that just can’t be unseen and I will not put anyone through seeing me half naked on a pole. I am not even slightly graceful, think Mary Katherine Gallagher “Superstar!” I cringe just thinking about it.
2. Run a marathon….This one hurts a bit to put in writing, because every year I have the grand notion that I will suddenly love running and I will run a marathon. Um, I’m just getting to old for these absurd fantasies. The fact is that I loathe running, I can run 3 miles without an issue since I started the couch to 5K a couple years ago with a friend, but I still HATE running. So I have decided to just never run a marathon, ever. Now that it’s here in writing, I feel secure in my decision to remain a non marathoner.
3. Go to Chuck E Cheese. Seriously, what is the appeal of this place? Spending a ton of money for crappy pizza and screaming kids? If I’m jonesing for that experience I’ll just stay home, eat a Tombstone pizza and throw things at my kids. Same result, less money.
4. Potty in a Port a John. There are some things in life that just aren’t worth the risk and this is one of them. I have never, nor will I ever use a Port a Potty (I just threw up a little just thinking about it) I would rather have my bladder literally explode than relieve myself in one of those. I’m just going to take a page from Grey’s Anatomy, be hardcore and carry adult diapers, just in case.